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I have been close companions for over two decades, who has overcome many hardships, and I respect her for that. Yet, she's repeatedly taken by surprise by people. Her spouse walked away, which came as an unexpected event. A lot of her friends disappeared during that time, because they seemed focused solely on him. She was stunned by her. She put in greater energy in our friendship, likely understood better what friendship was.

A Recurring Theme With Friends Drifting Away

Over the years, many close to her vanished without her being sure why. The company she worked for turned on her, even though she was an excellent employee, she departed unaware of the reason for the change.

Current Dynamics

In recent times, both of us left the workforce and are seeing frequent meetups, but I am finding the part I play in the relationship feels one-sided. I start topics of conversation but she shifts the talk toward what interests her. Regarding political views, she has strong opinions. I attempt to recommend verifying facts and alternate views.

She has been planning a trip abroad I've visited repeatedly even called home previously. I attempted to offer personal experiences, but this was met with resistance. She purely only wanted validation of her choices. I have come back from 30 days in that place she is eager to reconnect, yet I'm reluctant.

Considering the Choices

I don't want in this role who cuts and runs without explanation, but I don't think she can comprehend the impact of her actions on my self-esteem. Right now, I am in distancing myself. How should I proceed?

Ways Forward

You could end things abruptly, however, that approach is not often a smooth outcome we hope for. Yet having a direct talk with a view to working things out takes courage and readiness on both your parts.

Professional advice indicates applying a effective method for resolving disputes:

"Initially is to state what typically happens when you talk. It should be objective and clear and essentially exactly what occurs. Next is to tell her how it makes you feel. This allows for no dispute about this. What you feel are valid, of course. The third step is to ask ways you together going to change the pattern of your friendship."

Remember your friend holds perspectives, so you need to stay open to hear that. One effective method is telling your friend:

"Please share your thoughts and I'm going to not say anything for a set time."

It's remarkably effective for promoting mutual respect.

Key Takeaways

She might reject all you say, for those who have a “survival narrative”: they have a narrative regarding their experiences they won't let go of since their identity depends upon it and it's all they trust. This poses a challenge when there seems no clear path in such cases, mere obstacles. Yet she could start out defensively before reflecting your perspective. And even if you don't achieve a fix, it provides satisfaction knowing you were open and direct.